Why Mothers Struggle to Find Time for Themselves ft. Yemi Ogunmefun | The Goodmother Series Ep. 4

What does it really look like to care for yourself when motherhood makes time, energy, and even your body feel unfamiliar? 

In this episode of The Goodmother Series, host Ezinne Asinugo-Onyeka sits with Yemi Ogunmefun, aka @yemisco, a family, fitness, and beauty creator whose warm honesty turns motherhood, movement, and self-care into something deeply lived, not performative. From routines that help her regulate, to the pressure of body change, emergency C-sections, miscarriage, feeding guilt, and the emotional labour no one sees, this is a conversation about what it takes to stay connected to yourself while raising children.

Yemi reflects on who she was before motherhood, what she assumed motherhood would be, and how pregnancy loss shaped the fear she carried into another pregnancy. She also opens up about learning that self-care is not indulgence, why routine protects her peace, and how movement became a real regulation tool in the middle of motherhood’s constant demands.

The conversation also goes deeper into postpartum body confidence, emergency C-section recovery, family pressure after birth, and the shame women are made to carry around how they deliver and feed their babies. By the end, Yemi names what so many mothers need to hear, that a good mother is not perfect, a good mother knows when she needs rest, reset, and care too.

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The Goodmother Series | The Unspoken Truth

A modern motherhood podcast documenting how becoming a parent reshapes identity, body, and cultural belonging across the African diaspora.

Hosted by Ezinne, this series centres on lived experience over advice. These are intimate, culturally rooted conversations about maternal identity, body transformation, inherited expectations, and the emotional realities of motherhood.

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Transcript

Coming up...

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I just feel like you're just constantly busy. I can see how women won't have time for themselves. It's almost like you wake up and then you hear the baby, and it's like before you know it, you forget I have a shower, I don't brush my teeth, I thought my hair up. And it's almost like, when do you have time for yourself?

SPEAKER_03 0:12

That is Yemi Ogumi Fun, creative influencer, runner, and co-host of the YT Pod. She believes motherhood reshapes how women care for themselves, turning it from an afterthought into an intentional practice.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

You're just constantly on the roll. There's always something to do. And it's almost like when you have that one hour, you're always busy. There's always something to do.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

She explains how this constant motion quietly erodes clarity, patience, and identity, especially when no one acknowledges how physically demanding motherhood actually is.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

If I'm not okay, the kids cannot be okay. I wake up before the kids if it means me sitting in silence or me going for a run for an hour. I feel like that's been a game changer for me, but I can think properly, I can function properly.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

In this conversation, Yemi shares how movement, routine, and self-permission became survival tools inside motherhood, not aesthetics. By the end of this episode, you will understand how caring for your body is not indulgence, but regulation. I'm Ezine Asinugo Onyeka, and this is the Good Mother series. How are

Meet Yemi

SPEAKER_03 1:25

you? I'm good. How are you? What's your morning been? I've been good. What's your morning been like?

SPEAKER_02 1:30

This morning I woke up early. I woke up early, I went for a run, and then I had to do the score round, and then there was traffic, which was a bit of. But other than that, I'm good. How was school run? Oh, there was traffic, and I hate being late. Are you already? Apparently they're closed at 8.13 or something like that. So it's just wild how the A13 just affects everyone. I know it's crazy. Oh. So it affected like a lot of the roads this morning. So a lot of mums were annoyed. Just angry mums getting to school. But you know them ones bring your child, you don't you don't want your child to be late because that's when they'll start giving you looks. Yeah, that was that was funny. But me and Twa were just gisting in the car.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Listen, I'll I would get to talking about Tiwa because she is literally, you know, when two people give birth to themselves.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:22

Yeah, that that's your daughter. What? Like a perfect blend. You can't even say, yeah, I'm more like mom, yeah, more like dad. No, you are a combo. She's what's that song? Nakolabo. Nakolabo. Literally. She sounds like a better. Honestly. Okay, so I remember you asked me

The meaning behind Ezinne’s name, and why it matters here

SPEAKER_03 2:43

this. This is a tradition in the show. Because we kind of know each other, and I say kinder because today I'm gonna deep dive into getting to know you.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_03 2:54

But we kind of know each other, so I know you know how to say my name properly. I'm plot, you know, I can't even say you're Nigerian because some Nigerians don't know how to say my name. But I want you for for tutorial's sake, just tell the audience how to pronounce my name properly. Actually, no, don't add extra jara. Now you're saying it wrong. Okay, now I why did I give you all that kudos and you still said it wrong?

SPEAKER_02 3:19

What is it?

SPEAKER_03 3:22

Not me speaking ibo to you like you would know what I'm saying. You're close, but it's is in ne. Oh, is in ne. It goes down. Yes, it goes down lower. Not the dance. It's not like the dance is gonna help you. She's like, let me put a bit of one T on it. I'm fine.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

What was I in before? Isn't it? I was taking it higher.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

Yes, you were taking it higher. Almost like it has a tick on it, but it doesn't. Oh, okay. Nice. So I guess nobody has said it right so far on the show.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_03 4:05

On their first go. It's not. I love it because I get to teach everybody how to save my name properly. So because it has two ends.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

Oh, is it like you know how you say as in? Yes. Oh, as in okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

So now you've deciphered that. You asked me a question um earlier, which was what does it mean?

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Yeah, what does it mean?

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Take a guess. Is it Christ daughter?

SPEAKER_03 4:36

No. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

One of my good friends is um Freeze Iba, and they always say, but I'm just trying to think what that means.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

There's power in that. No.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Okay, I don't know then. I'm sorry. You give up.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Is it means good mother? Oh that's so true. Which is why it's the heart of the show, which is what the show is named after.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

Wow, that's a lovely name. Good mother.

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Thank you. Although the name never made sense to me until I became a mother. Yeah, I hear it. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

Oh, that's nice. What does name mean?

SPEAKER_03 5:20

Mother.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:24

So Izzy is good. And then Ne is mother, so good mother. But nice. Love that. Now, if you have another child and it's a girl, you feel free to name it, name baby Izzy, ne or a boy. No, no. I'm done with having children now.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

You're done? Yeah, I've got boy and a girl, done. Thanks.

SPEAKER_03 5:44

Really? Are you sure? Yeah. I feel like you hold this with great stride. I'm joking. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

Me and um my pastor were saying to me the other day when I went to a ride, she was like, Oh, you can have another one. I was like, I can't reject it.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

I'm all right, but it's the ones that come preaching and never come for babysitting.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

No, it's not we've decided two's enough.

SPEAKER_03 6:06

Two's enough. No, I think also living in the UK, two is two is even a lot.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

It's a lot, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 6:13

Yeah, it's a lot. Honestly, our parents did it with so much ease. No, really in Saddam, but I'm alright, folks.

SPEAKER_02 6:22

I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 6:23

Okay, so let's go back.

Who was Yemi before motherhood changed the pace of life?

SPEAKER_03 6:26

We're gonna go back to the beginning, the beginning of everything.

SPEAKER_04 6:30

Yes, right.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

So paint a picture for me.

SPEAKER_04 6:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:34

Who was Yemi before motherhood? Who was Yemi on the inside that nobody really knows about? Tell me a bit about your personality.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

That's very funny because I still feel like I still behave the same, but I just have children. Um, but I would say before motherhood, I was just crazy, like just me, being me, you know, having fun, just living in my own bubble, and you know, just doing my own thing, but not thinking about any other person other than myself and just getting up and go. And obviously, now that I have children, I can't just be that, can I? I gotta think about where I'm gonna put the kids.

SPEAKER_03 7:15

We're not moving on to the children yet. You're gonna struggle with this because a lot of people struggle to talk about themselves without without falling into the kid trap. Yeah, look at how you swiftly went into talking about the kids. No, okay, let's take it back to work. What was Yemi doing for work before she had kids?

SPEAKER_02 7:34

I was in recruitment.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

Okay, like in what field?

SPEAKER_02 7:37

Healthcare. So I stuck with like agency nurses, doctors, and recruitment for the NHS or private sector.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

Okay, and you know, how did you fall into that? Is that something you've always wanted to do?

SPEAKER_02 7:49

No, I actually studied pharmacology, which makes you become a pharmacologist. And then when I finished Genie, obviously to get a job, you have to have experience, and then getting experience was long, and I really wanted to make money, so I just went into recruitment and I worked there for about seven years, and now I just and was that always your passion?

SPEAKER_03 8:09

Like what no, um the job.

SPEAKER_02 8:13

Do you know what's actually funny? I wanted to be a medical doctor.

SPEAKER_03 8:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that by real choice or by default as a Nigerian child?

SPEAKER_02 8:21

No, no, no. That I don't follow that. When I was young enough, I really wanted to be a medical doctor, and then as I got older, I realized that doctors don't have any life, um, in the sense that they're always just always like working and always busy. Because I really liked science in school, and then as I got to college, I was still waiting for a phase wide because I wanted to even do like textiles as well, because I really like textiles, and then I think I just fell back into science again in studying pharmacology. But yeah, I really wanted to become a medical doctor, but that boat has sank now. Listen, there's always hope. There is always hope. I don't have the brains for it right now. I can't even, I can't even no, it's alright.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

It's love. So like mum said I can't remember what I did last week. Like, we're on the moving train now.

SPEAKER_02 9:05

But yeah, so I just went into recruitment and now I just create content full-time.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

Cool, but I'm not gonna move on to your content life yet. I'm gonna still be deep diving. Okay, let's talk secondary school. Let's talk. I can just imagine you being such a fun friend.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

It's so funny because I was speaking to the girls that I go in secondary school with. That I went to secondary school with yesterday because we're also very connected. Secondary school was lit for you, yeah. Secondary school was it's so funny because the other day I was saying to Tony, what's one of your best memories? And I was like, One of my best memories is actually secondary school because we had fun.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

Tell me about it, tell me one fun moment in secondary school that you were like, Yeah, this is lit.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

Okay, so basically, when I went to primary school, was there wasn't that much black people in my primary school. In my secondary school, sorry, it's like it was just like a few of us that were like the black girls, so the black girls just really stuck together, so that was like our crew. So I just remember like us lunch times, lunch times were so lit. Like we would dance, we would sing, like you know, MTV based days, we would bust joke, it was just quite, it was just funny, it was just fun, it was just a lovely moment.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

I can't um join you on that wagon. Um secondary school was hell, hell. I went to Sarah Bonell. That sounds familiar. Yeah, it was an all-girls school. What area is that? Stratford. Oh, wow. Where did you go to school?

SPEAKER_02 10:27

I actually went to school, two schools. So I went to Mark Carmel in Archway, and then I went to Great Convent in Essex.

SPEAKER_03 10:34

See, we moved to Essex. I went to I was in Serebonelle for about two years, and then I moved to Essex, so I started going to St. Edward's for the remaining.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

Where's St. Edwards?

SPEAKER_03 10:43

Um, Rumford. Okay, cool. Around that area. So then I stayed in St. Edwards, but that was such a massive culture shock for me. I don't know if you experienced that when you changed schools.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

Yeah, there was. Where I was coming from, everyone was black, and then when I got to Grace, I was like the only black girl probably in my year for a very long time.

SPEAKER_03 11:05

What did that feel like being like when you walked in and you were like I was like, whoa.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

I think it's so different, but I'm not gonna lie, I feel like it shaped my life in terms of how I relate to people because um I loved being around just like Caucasian people, do you know what I'm saying? Like they all just and it's same funny because I speak to some of them now, like, yeah, me. Back in the day, you were crazy in school. But yeah, no, I just vibe with everyone. Like, I don't care about the colour of your skin, I just vibe. Do you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 11:32

Yeah, yeah, no, 100%. But it was good times, man. Good times. Okay, so when you think about your life then

Did she always imagine motherhood this way?

SPEAKER_03 11:38

until before you became a mum, what did you assume motherhood would be like?

SPEAKER_02 11:42

A walk in the park. No, I'm saying I didn't think it was gonna be hard, but I knew that it will take a lot out of you. Do you know what I mean? Because obviously, I've been around aunties, I've been around like older people that's older than me, that's obviously had children, and I see how they obviously cooperate with their kids, and I'm just like, rah, this is a lot. I feel like what I'm experiencing now is not like a shock to me, do you know what I mean? It's not like a shock because I kind of like I have people around me that have kids, so I've I feel like I've always been in that mindset of like, okay, yeah, when is it time for us to have children? This is how it's gonna be. Do you know what I mean? But when you're in it, that's different.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

Different ball game. And did you ever like I I used to think I would have kids when I'm like 24, 23? Don't ask. I thought I would be married at 21.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

I thought that I wanted to get married at 21.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

Yeah, because I I didn't have any life ambition. My ambition was to be a mother in.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

Yeah, I wanted to get married. I wanted to be married at 21. By 25, finish having children, all that kind of stuff. But hey.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

Okay, so what do you think is like the biggest way motherhood? Because you you've said, like, you know, now that you're in it, it's like a different ball game. But what is the biggest way motherhood has surprised you so far?

SPEAKER_02 12:55

I was saying this the other day, but I just feel like you're just constantly busy. I can see how women won't have time for themselves. Do you know what I mean? Because I just feel like you're like, even the other day, I was like, I haven't brushed my teeth today.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

Girl, it gets like that.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

It's so much like it's almost like you wake up and then you have the baby, and it's like you can't get to the baby, and before you know it, you forget, oh my gosh, let me have a shower, I don't brush my teeth even before it sort of my hair out, then sort of my prose out. But I feel like what I've experienced is that you're just always constantly, especially when you have multiple kids. I think it was different from Twa when it was just Twa, but now that there's two of them, it's just like you're just constantly on the roll. Always, there's always something to do. And it's almost like when do you have time for yourself? Like, when do you actually just have that one hour? Do you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 13:41

Honestly, if you can get 15 minutes, it will be like luxury.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

It's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot, and I just feel like it's like you're always busy, there's always something to do, or even something to think about, but like it's the thinking for me that thinking about okay, even the bare basics, this is the one I didn't realize would bother me so much.

SPEAKER_03 14:03

Was adjusting to clothing sizes, like when the size up.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

But you know what's actually crazy about that? I this pregnancy with Temmie, I you know when you for the first baby, you get really excited and start bog buying. I didn't do that for the baby, I was literally buying by side, like for example, when he was three months, he only wore like the same three months' clothes on rotation. Do you know what I mean? I didn't go and buy sat buying six to nine months because number one, the season, people sometimes forget that the season will change.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

Change, yes. That's the lesson I learned as well.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

Yeah, the season will change. So I was just buying as I go. So once I literally, and babies ain't going nowhere. But staying at home for like a good six months, first of all. Unless if you're one and every friend, I want to be outside. I was literally just I just put baby grows, like seven of them, and that's what he was rotating, rotating, rotating. When they got small, go to another person, charity shop, and then I buy another set. So all that buying walk, no, I didn't do that.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

For me, I was I was more referring to like the mental remembering, uh, on top of everything you need to remember, is to remember that you need to shop that they're getting older.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Older, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like why people just pick up a baby boy, next thing you know, it's too small. Oh my gosh, when did this happen? Yeah, like honestly, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:15

Okay, so we've talked about who you were before you became a mummy. Let's talk about when you found out you were gonna be a mother. So take me back to the pregnancy moment when you took the test. What happened? Where were you? Take like go back to that moment.

SPEAKER_02 15:31

So basically, 2017, I just didn't see my period, didn't it? So I kind of had a feeling that I did I was pregnant. So I think I had slept, I dreamt I was pregnant, I woke up, I actually snuck out the house. I went to Morrison's to buy a pregnancy test. Why did you sneak out? Because I didn't want to wake up Tolly. So I just I just left, I just left the house quickly. And you know, I'm an early morning person, so I just woke up

What did finding out she was pregnant actually feel like?

SPEAKER_02 15:55

early and I just went, I went out, and then I went to buy the pregnancy test, and then I went, I came back home, went to the toilet, and did the test. It said it was um I was pregnant. When I opened the door, Tolly was right there. Oh gosh, Tony was right there, and I was like, and he was like, Well, and I was like, I'm pregnant, and he and we both just hugged each other, and we started screaming and jumping around our living room. It was so exciting, but yeah, we were excited, we were so excited. Um, it was quick though, because like obviously we got married in October, and I think three months later I was pregnant with two hours. Oh wow, he didn't wait, he didn't say, Do you know what? Wow, we were we were having a let's die, let's let's go for it.

SPEAKER_03 16:41

Well they do die, yeah. We were really excited. Let's go back to um obviously, what was Tolu doing wait by the door?

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Like you know what? Because we I hadn't seen my parents, so I'd been like, I haven't seen my parents. So he kind of thought, Oh yeah, maybe she's break. So I think he was just waiting for the confirmation. So even when I left the house, I'm sure he was awake. Yes, he was awake because when I even when I got it was almost like when I came back into the into the toilet, it was it was like a comedy skit moment because he was literally right as soon as I opened it, you know when you open the door and someone's just there, there oh it was so funny. Man, I was just like, Why are you here?

SPEAKER_03 17:17

It was like it's just like the fact that your your whole life is actually comedy because how in how is the pregnancy revealed between you both privately still a comedy skit?

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Literally, I was like, Why are you here? And he was like, Well, yeah, I'm like oh, that is so exciting. It wasn't crazy, it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 17:37

Okay, so now you've told, and Toli was the first person. Who else? Who next did you tell? Did you guys kind of keep it private within each other for a little bit, or did you was like, hey girl, um I'm pregnant?

SPEAKER_02 17:48

Because this was so long ago. I think we just kept to ourselves for a bit, and then I think we just waited when we had our first scan. It's like three months or 12 weeks or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

12 weeks, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

And I think we just told our family, to be honest: mums, dads, sisters, brothers, and I told my girls, I don't like too much noise. Do you know what I mean? So we just kept it to our place, people, and that was it, really. And everyone was excited for us.

SPEAKER_03 18:14

Now I know you've

How does miscarriage change the next pregnancy?

SPEAKER_03 18:15

been open about um a miscarriage.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Do you feel comfortable sharing, you know, between this pregnancy, like what was the time frame between when you did have that miscarriage and this one?

SPEAKER_02 18:27

Yeah, so um Twa was born when was Tilwa was born, 2017.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

So I had a miscarriage in 2018, and then I had another one in 2024. So I wanted to know, like, with the first miscarriage before Tiwa, how did that shape your anticipation for when you found that you were pregnant again? Were you a bit more nervous?

SPEAKER_02 18:48

Or so obviously, when I had Tiwa in 2017 and when I had the miscarriage in 2018, it bothered me. I think I cried for about two weeks. But because I still had like a young child, it didn't really affect me as much. But you still kind of question why did this happen and and what's wrong with you basically? That's how I felt. And then I felt like the one that happened in 2024, that was really, really bad. Like I felt like that was that was really awful. I feel like it really shaked me and Tolu. Why did that one specifically shake you? Because I felt like obviously Tilbury was much older, and like she's seven then, so like the years had gone past, you know what I mean? People would be asking you questions, and you get having that baby, yeah. Like, chill out. Because this happened to me before, like you said, you kind of get like nervous, you get worried. So even like when I found out I was pregnant with Temmie, I felt like for a very long time I was living in fair. Because when you've had a miscarriage, until when you hear that baby's it's almost like you live in fair whether this baby's gonna actually are we gonna meet this child, you know what I mean? And it's hot it's a horrible feeling, but it's just like if you feel a certain way, oh, is the baby okay? When you go for your doctor appointments, it's almost like what are they gonna say now? Do you know what I mean? But I just I'm just so grateful that everything turned out really well. Um I mean with Temmie's pregnancy, I was ill a bit. I had some serious uh have you heard of round ligament pain? Round ligament round ligament pain. So when the when your baby is stretching, it affects the joints around your pelvis and all that kind of stuff. Like I had to go to A and E, the ambulance came to the house, the pain was awful. It felt like I was a neighbour. But yeah, that's it really. But yeah, it was it was alright.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

It was I had my ups and downs during pregnancy, but I think one of the the the toughest part you know would would be if I was in that situation, would just be the anticipation, I guess, of what's next, like you know, because I I had a little moment when Ethan was born after he was born, and they they came in and they were like, Oh, we need to check if he can hear and can see. I said, wait, so there's even another layer of panic for me. So much, like and you and in your mind, like I was thinking, okay, baby has come now, uh all is good, we're going home, and then there was now another layer, and I and I didn't think that that could be uh another thing for me to think about, you know. So it just goes to show there's so many steps. Like I I recently put a post and I said pregnancy is a is a dance, it's like a dance with life. Like you're just you're just doing listen, got to control. Literally, Jesus take the world for real. Like, because what?

The routine that helps Yemi stay mentally steady

SPEAKER_03 21:43

Okay, so we spoke before regarding like you said what really helped you is finding a routine which is really helping you survive motherhood. Now, how do you prioritize your time? Because I wanna learn.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

I'm not gonna lie. I feel like if I'm not okay, the kids cannot be okay. Fair.

SPEAKER_03 22:06

I'm with you on that.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

So, like you said, I'm really I feel like I'm really organized. Like I'm an early riser. Like I wake up before the kids. If it means me sitting in silence for an hour, or me going for a run for an hour, or doing something that I love doing before the kids are up, that's what I do. And I feel like that's how I feel like that's been a game changer for me. Because I just feel like when I have that moment to myself, I can think properly, I can function properly. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, come and disturb me after I've had my time to myself.

SPEAKER_03 22:35

Has anything ever broken that? Because as much as as much as we can say we have this hour, there's always one day.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

The other day I went out with my sister, it was her birthday, yeah. And that's another thing as well. I went to sleep really early. It's past nine, I'm in my bed. I don't play me in sleep, I don't play with sleep. I went out with my sister the other day. I came home at 1 a.m. Izzy. All my days. The following day, my brain was doing. I couldn't function probably. Because I didn't have enough sleep and I didn't have that time to myself. So I know that if I don't follow my routine, it just I feel like it messes my day up. I mean that says fail it. I don't like spontaneous. I don't like surprises. I like to follow a schedule. That's how I function. Even my husband knows. My husband is Mr. Spontaneous, Mr. Surprise.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

I said, Don't I don't like surprises, do not surprise me. But Tully will surprise you. So what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 23:27

She knows I don't like surprises. I don't like surprises.

SPEAKER_03 23:30

Really?

SPEAKER_02 23:31

Yeah, yeah. I don't like it. Why? Because don't shock me. I don't want to be in shock.

SPEAKER_03 23:41

I don't want to be in shock. Like, don't shock me. Okay, so what do you think breaks first when you don't have your routine? Is it your patience, your body, or your mood? Or is it all three, but in different, in different stages?

SPEAKER_02 23:56

I think it's my mood. I get aggy. Like everything will just start irritating me. And another thing as well, like, I like everything to be clean as well. So like if I haven't done like I don't just mean I I like things to be now, I get Aggie. Yeah, I don't think it's more, I don't think it's a body thing. I think I think it's more I get Aggie. And then everybody collects.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

You know, I think that's green. I love that. An inward scream or an outward scream.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

Sometimes it's inward, and sometimes it's out. And then totally like, you okay? I'd be like, no, I've seen the moment to myself.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

No, but that's great. I love that. I wish I could scream. Like, I've never sometimes you need that scream, you know. Sometimes you need that theme a way you can just be like there's this activity I saw that um they they go out to scream together.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

Oh yeah, I saw that.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

I saw that. There was loads of people, yeah. People are stressed. People are like I saw that. I actually saw that.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

I need to inventress.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

Would you would you attend? I feel like those are your people.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

But I imagine you see that. I see it. There was loads of people on a hill.

SPEAKER_03 25:04

Yes, because trust especially if you're in this UK, you need to screen.

SPEAKER_02 25:09

People are going through things. If they want to go screen, leave them. That's what that's how they release their tension. Literally. That's what I said. Pick pick something that you like. I've got release the tension. Even me said, I don't run. I don't I don't feel good.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

Really? I think mine will be definitely on dance if I don't shake a leg like at least once a week. Like, I'll be looking at you like this. Is not a good week.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

You need something. Do you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 25:32

Yeah, no, absolutely. Okay, so you are now mommy of two. Are they calling you like what are they giving you like nicknames? You know, T squared.

SPEAKER_02 25:43

Who? T squared, mommy T squared. Because they're both T T. Twa and Temi. T squared.

SPEAKER_03 25:52

Mama T squared. I know. I am finished. I am actually finished.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Because I thought they were T squared sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 26:01

So now people just was that a thing you guys definitely wanted because Tolu Tiwa and Temi.

SPEAKER_02 26:07

Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_03 26:08

Yeah. So you said no, no why? No Olaya me in the mix.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

No, I kinda like I think it's so funny because I feel like I was the one that chose Tiwa's name. I had Tiwa's name. I was like, I think when we were dating, I was like, oh, when we have a girl, can we name her Tiwa Topia, Olivia? And he was like, Yeah, of course. And then when Temi's name, Tony was supposed to pick the name, but I just sent him a list of names and we just decided on it together.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

By default, we still pick the names. We just make you assume that you know you contributed. I just sent him a list of names, but which one do you like?

SPEAKER_02 26:39

But I can't remember how they all just like TT.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

Oh, that is so you you brought this on yourself, Mama T Square.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

Yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_03 26:48

I did. So you said the transition from one to two is a lot. Tell me about that. What does that look like for you now? No, that just gave me goosebumps because that's like if I don't laugh, I will cry.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

Ah, it's a lot.

SPEAKER_03 27:03

Talk to me. I'm here. It's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

I just told you like 10 minutes ago that with motherhood, you're constantly on the road. So this one is constantly on the road times 10. Not even times two.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

There's a lot to think about. It's just like obviously you've got two kids now, you gotta share the love. You don't want one child to share that, especially when the child is older. Like two is eight now, and her brother's eight months. You gotta just be there for both of them. Do you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 27:30

And what does that look like? Sharing of love. We'll dive into different sections because I I know this is has different layers.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

Do you know what? I actually do an ITBTs, we're both of them together, so they're both involved. And sometimes, like, if I'm sorting Temi out and see where I can see, because sometimes she just wants attention. Like, and I know I know it sounds crazy, it's not her fault, but like she's a child and she wants me to help her do stuff. I'd be like, Can you just be patient? Like, I'm just sorting your brother out because I can't do too like I don't have I'm not an octopus, I don't have eight hands. You know what I'm saying? So I explained to her, your brother's really young, he can't help himself at the moment. Let me finish with him, and then I come and help you out, and she'll be like, okay, I understand. And sometimes she'll be like, Mommy, what can I help? Like, Tilba is so helpful. She'll be like, Mommy, what can I help you with? And sometimes I just dedicate stuff to her, like help me with this, help me with that. But I think it's just having a balance as well, and also just keeping it real. Like, I'm like, listen, I don't have eight hands. Do you want me to help with your homework for your brother? Do you know especially if Tolly's not around? Like, I'm saying, so I think just I've just told her, like, I think, I think with this time of one as well, I'm not, I'm not forcing it in terms of like, if I'm tired, if I can't do something, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say I can't do this right now. Like, sometimes I feel like as well, like when you're a mother and you've got so many children, it's almost like you're trying to please every single one of them at the same time. Before you know it, you break down, you crash, you start being cranky, you start being Aggie, mood swings, all that kind of stuff. But if you just tell them, not right now, like let me finish what I'm doing, then I'll come and help you out.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Just because listen, superbower will make you that's why I said you have to hide your kit, you hand your kip. You don't hide it, you crash, you crash into one wall like this.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

Literally,

Why does a mother’s day never seem to end?

SPEAKER_03 29:14

you crash. So, aside from sharing the love, what else do you feel like? Time time. Talk to me about that.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

Time. Like again, like I wake up, work out, four Temi, feed him, school run. Before you know it's four months done, you gotta cook, you gotta clean, do your work. It just keeps going. It keeps going. And the fact that you blink, huh?

SPEAKER_03 29:42

You blink and 24 hours it's gone.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

You're like, I'm like, sometimes I'm like, rah, today has gone really quick. Before you know it, I feel like even when the weekend comes, the weekend doesn't feel like the weekend again because it's just like the weekend should start on Wednesday. So, how is it the weekend? Let's enjoy the weekend. Before you do the weekend, you have to do the uniform. You got to prepare for next week, then you have to go to church, come back from church, and you gotta do family stuff.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

Can we talk about the cooking?

SPEAKER_02 30:11

The cooking, oh yeah, I have to make this. It's almost like, okay, you know that one's very as well. Like you try to like make a meal that you feel like it will last a couple days, then once it doesn't. And in two days you're back in it, and you're like, wait. But do you know what I recently started doing? Like when I make food now, I'll say to Tony this should last like two days. Like the other day when I made something, I was like, oh babe, this should last like two days. So you know how to portion control it. This should last like if I made, let's say, I don't know, sea or whatever, or rice. This portion should last like two days.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

So that way you know how to portion if you like have it three times, just know that it's finished in two days and I'll not make another one.

SPEAKER_03 30:52

As well, I'm ready to make another one. Does Tolu, your husband, um, help in the kitchen? Is he a cooker too? Or are you?

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Tolu is the right to cook.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

All he means is to cook is indome. And you know, indomits are even specific to taste because not everybody makes Indomin the way everybody looks like.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

I'm not gonna lie, Tolu's Indamine slaps.

SPEAKER_03 31:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:10

It's like a designer indome.

SPEAKER_03 31:11

No, not the ones that they have peas and chicken and all.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

No, no, no. He just likes to put like a source. I'm gonna tell you my husband's recipe, but he Trust me, I would not like it because I'm a plain babe.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

I just like plain indominator.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

Do you like your indomin watery or um dry?

SPEAKER_03 31:25

Right in the middle, a fine balance.

SPEAKER_02 31:27

Yeah, no, his indomin's that's I'm not gonna lie. Are you the soup people? I don't too much soup. See what? Zoramin Indomin? Me, I like it in the middle, like dry. I like it dry. I don't like why is it why is it why has it got water?

SPEAKER_03 31:40

Why? Yeah, because you need to sip the a little bit of water, not drink the water. It's not w it's not like it's not dry.

SPEAKER_02 31:45

No, I don't like that. I just no no. I just like it. Just I like it dry.

SPEAKER_03 31:49

And I like it really spicy. Oh, yeah. I love a spice. I put extra pepper.

SPEAKER_02 31:54

Yeah, I haven't put spice to the point that my nose, everything is leaking. I like it like that.

SPEAKER_03 32:00

And you're sweating, but you still don't.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

I'll be leaking from my forehead. I like that's how I like my hair with me.

SPEAKER_03 32:05

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's how I like it. What can you say is the part that people don't see when they say to you, Oh, uh Yemi, you make this look so easy, especially on the internet. Because, like, I can take as a fan of you, and I'm a fan of you for various reasons. I don't know if you know this, right? Let me let me toot your hunt small. I'm a fan of you because one, you know, there's a lot of beautiful women out there, right? But uh personality is in the ground, but you see, you yeah, you're a fine balance between fine babe and uh incredible personality, and it's not just like obviously we know each other uh like off social media, but outside of just you radiate such positivity, fame fab, we're trying. See, see this behavior. This is why I can't take you seriously. We're trying, we're trying, positivity all the way, all the way, and it's just nice to to meet women like you who are just themselves, like you know, you're not this is not what you see is what you get. I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

When I meet people, that's exactly what they always say to me. You're the same person online, and I'm like, you are time to be doing two different roles.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Oh, trust me, there are people that have time.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

I know, I know, but I ain't got time for that.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Yeah, but all you see is what you guess.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

You don't like no sorry, you've taken on to this content life because obviously me and and and your husband did a project together where he did his first dance theatre act, which Oliver Twist, which was you you guys were together then, yeah, yeah. We were together for a long time, long time, yeah, very long time. So, yeah, but I never thought you would step into this. Like, sometimes I even forget to lose there.

SPEAKER_02 34:11

I'm like, no, yeah, Miss Kill. Do you know what? Hollywood has always said to me, Oh, I'll just be do like do this, just just do this from a long time. But I feel like fair was holding me back, and I don't know why, but like even a lot of people, oh, you're so funny, like you should do this, you should do this. I'm just like, yeah. I feel like fair was holding me back for a very long time. But now I just feel like I'm I'm at that age and I'm at the mindset whereby I'm just I'm just gonna have fun and just what were you afraid of? I don't know what I was afraid of. I mean, I don't not not that people laughing at me because I actually I'm not being funny, but like when I go online, I one of the things that I look for is funny content. Do you know what I'm saying? So why am I not doing that? Do you know what I mean? But I don't know what I was afraid of. I think it was sometimes, you know that sometimes if it's something new, it kind of like makes people like, oh, how are people gonna accept this or something? Do you know what I mean? I don't know, I don't know what it was. Either way, it's in the bin now, so it's been now we outside.

SPEAKER_03 35:14

We're outside, and you really do make it look look so easy. But what are the parts that people don't see that you know when they say those things, you're just looking at them like if only you knew, if only you knew, do you know what?

SPEAKER_02 35:30

I feel like and I mean Tully only say this. If there was a camera in this house 24-7, you guys would actually see the real role, like what actually happens, not saying that we want this is not the real world, but I just feel like I think a lot of people don't know how much of a clean three. Tullio always says I have OCD, but I can't stand dirt.

SPEAKER_03 35:49

Okay, in a day, how how often do you clean? Let less let's the audience decipher.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

Maybe like three or four times in a day. If I see dirt, the hoop is coming out. I don't like mess. I can't think. I think that's one thing that people be like, Ruh. I'm the sort of girl that will go to a hotel and clean the hotel. Like I'll never forget when I went out with my when me and my girls went on like a spa weekend, one of my girls like stayed with me.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Me and her staying in the same room, and I was tidying up after her stuff, and she was like, famine. She goes, Yummy, do not move my streets again.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

Like, I like I think that's one thing people don't know that I over-obsess about being clean.

SPEAKER_03 36:36

I love being clean. I can actually appreciate that. I can connect that now. I can connect the fact that being clean. Clean, yeah, I can see that. Are you as bad as there's a girl online that I see? Like she cleans the hotel.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

Okay, so not that when they start bringing up this, I might give it like a disinfectant why, but like, like I will try like there's no need for the um for room service, basically. Because I will clean up after myself, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 37:02

I'm the holiday person that says today you people are going to clean after me. I in fact, I actually create a little bit more mess than I normally do at home just because I want to really rest.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

I will lay in my bed. You know, some girls that put makeup all over the sink, I don't know. That would cringe me out. I don't do that.

SPEAKER_03 37:20

No, the makeup all over the sink.

SPEAKER_02 37:21

Sleepy fresh towels. Sleepy fresh towels, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 37:24

That's it. They must love you on holidays.

SPEAKER_02 37:26

They must be like, oh, I mean, they just start smiling at me.

SPEAKER_03 37:31

It's like okay, so tell me, aside from your routine, what else are you doing differently now because you're trying not to carry everything? Because I think that's something you've you've really explained to us that you you hang your cape when you need to hang it.

SPEAKER_02 37:48

Yeah, when I'm tired, I'm I tell Tolly that I'm tired. Like, I can't. I can't. I think with this pregnancy, or even with having Telly, I feel like when I had Tiwa, I said this the other day on my store on my socialists. I was like, when I had Tiwa, I was always trying to do everything by myself. Um, because I like things a certain way. But sometimes that will put you in trouble because you're just gonna be exhausted and tired. So I feel like since I've had Temmie, if I'm tired, if I can't do stuff, I'll be like, Tolly, can you help me with this? Or Tiwa, can you help me with this? Because back in the day I would just do it all by myself and I won't ask for help. Next thing you know, I'll be tired, exhausted, cranky. But this time, I'm like, guys, someone do this, someone do that, I'm not doing it, da da. And if I'm tired, I'm getting to sleep. And I'll tell Tolly, I'm so tired, I can't anymore. Can you look after the kids? This is what I'll wait to team. I just need two hours. That's what I said. I just need two hours to sleep, or I might say team, I might I might need an hour. And sometimes when I go over, who come on triple. Like the other day, I was so tired because I came in my period, I was so exhausted, and I slept for like a good three, four hours. Yeah, he says he came to check up on me. I didn't even know. I was so tired. And when I sleep, yeah, it's like I know how. I don't hear nothing. I don't hear nothing. He was like, I can't check up on me. I was like, oh really? I was like, I was so tired. And he's like, Oh and I had a good sleep and I woke up and I was refreshed and I shouldn't have been like, I shouted, kids, mommy, kid, let's do what we need to do. I'm ready and let's go. Yeah, no, I'm I just thought like this one, this pregnancy, or having this baby, I'm not forcing it. If I'm tired, I'm tired. I can't give you, I can't give you.

SPEAKER_03 39:26

That's all I have. What I don't have, yeah. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

And I feel like a lot of mums probably struggle with that because it's almost like they're trying to do super mom, super mom, I want to do this, and I'm not being funny. Super mom will leave you exhausted and drained and tired because you're you're you're taking on too much. And the next thing you know, you're just like, oh, slummed.

SPEAKER_03 39:48

I think it also helps that you have like an understanding partner as well that that can give you those. Because I know a lot of like mums in in my life that it's like they're they're single in marriage.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

I know what you mean. I hear it as well, and I'm grateful for obviously that I have Tolu as well. Because I don't even even the other day, I was like, I don't know how I'd be my husband. Like me and Tolu, like we work together, like he's really hands-on. Like I'm saying, because I I I do know of people where their their husbands don't really help that much, and it's not because he doesn't want to, but he's gonna be just out working, and when he gets home, it's he's probably tired, and exactly, and there's a bit of guilt as well.

SPEAKER_03 40:30

I think like even if I look at myself, like even when Ugo goes and does his like long shifts and comes back, I actually feel a tiny bit of guilt saying to him, Can you shower the baby?

SPEAKER_02 40:44

Yeah, because he's been at working all day, if anything, if you just go warm, sleep, relax, we're off again the following day.

SPEAKER_03 40:52

Exactly. So, and I think it's helpful because with Ugo, I don't have to say that he doesn't have to put me in that position to say, Hey, can you do this? He just gets someone with it. Yeah, you know, so I think that that's definitely a luck in in laying that's I actually believe being pregnant is trying to lay your life on the line for somebody. So make sure, ladies, it is a useful person.

SPEAKER_02 41:17

It's so funny how you said that because the other day I was thinking about what I would tell a 25-year-old me, and I was thinking to myself, I would start praying for a husband at that age, or and someone that's gonna be a good father to my kids and very hands-on. It's so important to have obviously pick the right person that you're gonna spend your future with, and who you who you lay with is very important as well, and who you have

Can you still feel confident in a changed body?

SPEAKER_02 41:44

children for, children.

SPEAKER_03 41:45

Ah, I said the concept of having a child for someone that will wake up the next day and be looking at you like I don't like you, eh?

SPEAKER_02 41:54

Or them ones that your body will change and then they'll start making you feel like shit, because I carried because I carried your baby, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:01

Listen, and it's probably the baby, the man's head that reshaped the body.

SPEAKER_02 42:05

You gotta find someone who will love you for who you are after and before pregnancy, all of that kind of stuff. I mean a body change, stretch mark, everything. And how did you know Tolly was the one that ticked those boxes for you?

SPEAKER_03 42:16

Because it's evident, they just he just that's my D.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

Tolly's just an amazing man, he just gets it. Like, I just love how I compete myself with my husband. Like, do you know what I'm saying? Like the other day we were talking about my FIPA. It's like, I love your FIPA. I love it, I love it. Like, I mean, you've got two children. I'm just like, yeah, I hear it, but still, you know what I'm saying? We want to wear body con. It's not everybody's skin.

SPEAKER_03 42:43

Listen, me and Body Con have gone out of the window. I can't and I won't.

SPEAKER_02 42:47

No, but it shouldn't go because you've given birth to two kids.

SPEAKER_03 42:50

Sister, I want to eat my food in peace.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

When I had Taylor, I was saying body conscious, like, oh my god, this one I want to wear skinny. I want to wear tight clothes. Even though my sick body listen, sometimes you just have to listen, you just have to make it work.

SPEAKER_03 43:10

100%, but I think I'm too much of a foodie, like I'm not looking at it from a fashion standpoint. Yeah, I'm looking at from a comfort. I just want to eat and let my belly belly just go blah. Oh, that's what you mean.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:22

And jiggle in peace. It won't jiggle because it's been suffocated. I can't be suffocated.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

No, I know what you mean. Like out there, I went out with my sister and I was like, I'm wearing something freeze, I can eat probably. I know what you mean.

SPEAKER_03 43:33

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 43:34

No, no, no, no. I thought you would never wear body con because of your stomach.

SPEAKER_03 43:39

No, and to be honest, because I danced so much that I was quite fit, my my belly never really did the jiggle thing. No. So it it's I think I'm just lucky in that retrospect. I just have lots of stretch marks that look like someone just went out.

SPEAKER_02 44:00

Yeah, I know, I know. Those are the marks of your beautiful children, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 44:04

Honestly, but I've never felt like, oh my god, I need to cover these marks. Or I've I'm not fully body conscious kind of person. I'm more like, does this make sense? I'm not body conscious in terms of like what's on my body, but I'm body conscious in terms of my weight.

SPEAKER_02 44:21

Oh, yeah, yeah. You don't you want the BMI to be low?

SPEAKER_03 44:24

Yeah, because I was reaching size 18 with Ethan. You would never believe it.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

No, I believe it. I was wearing size 16 jeans with this pregnancy.

SPEAKER_03 44:33

You know when you went to the shop and picked up that size 16? What entered your heart? Because I know what my heart did.

SPEAKER_02 44:38

I didn't even start online. I was like, what? I thought it was size 12, it didn't go up. Size 14. I didn't go up, size 16. I was like, ah, you know what they it's alright. We're gonna come back.

SPEAKER_03 44:51

Honestly, that is the most realist and most humbling. It's like you just kept going up and you're like, wait, what?

SPEAKER_02 44:56

But also because you're you're put we want comfort as well, innit? Because I'm just when it's underneath the bottom, unless it's start by shit. I mean with me, I'm more one jeans. I reached that jean out. You tried.

SPEAKER_03 45:08

I think I bought different colours that I just didn't end up wearing. It was one.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

No, I thought the one jean, I was just rotating the top, rotating the top, rotating the top. To the point that when I was posting content, so people were saying that same jeans again. Not them realizing the jeans.

SPEAKER_03 45:23

Yeah, same jeans. Oh my god. Okay, we're talking body, and um let's take you back to your caesarean because both children are caesarean. Let's let's go back to um delivery day. Was that a planned cesarean or an emergency? No, I had to do both emergency C-sections. Okay, okay. So you wanted to do a natural for the second as well?

What really happened in Yemi’s emergency C-sections?

SPEAKER_03 45:47

Yeah, I did. Okay, so what how did they give you that information? What was going on in delivery room that they were like, listen, yummy, we need to do a cesarean now. So with Timmy Dial, what do you want to know better for? Just Timmy Dial's. No, start start with because I want the first one because I think that kind of prepares you for the second.

SPEAKER_02 46:06

So with the first one, uh Timor was overdue, and then I actually was in labor. I went up to seven centimetres, active labor, but I didn't go past seven centimetres. And also my waters had broken. So you know there's a certain amount of time that it can leave you for until when you're prone to infection. And then I think what was the final straw was her heart rate was dropping. So that's when they said I needed a c-section for TR. And then with Temi, I was induced, nothing happened. And then, you know, the ones where they start going in and out, in and out. I'm not gonna have another C-section, aren't I? He's like, Yeah, I can he can tell. His heart rate started dropping as well. But I'm just happy that I actually just went ahead with it because he had swallowed his um spoon.

SPEAKER_03 46:57

Oh, the meconium.

SPEAKER_02 46:59

Yeah, and even when he came out, you know, when you when the baby's born, you had a cry, he didn't cry for a bit because they had to suck out all the stuff. Yeah, that's what I had in the magic sexual. So both of their heart rates were dropping.

SPEAKER_03 47:09

Yeah, when when you when you found out you were gonna have the first one, how did that feel for you?

SPEAKER_02 47:16

I had a panic attack.

SPEAKER_03 47:18

Wow, okay.

SPEAKER_02 47:18

I had a panic, because I was, I was, I know it sounds crazy, but and I feel like it's probably maybe like how I've been brought up or what I've just heard. I've been around women and all they ever talk about is having a vaginal birth. So I've never I didn't know anything about having a C-section. I didn't do any research. I was always just saying I want to have the vaginal birth, vaginal birth. I didn't do any research into C-sections. So it was all like a shock to me. So when they said I was gonna have a C-section, I actually had a panic attack to the point that I even went myself. I went myself, that happened, and then with Temmie, the panic attack was gonna happen again. So he was like, just calm down, it's gonna be fine. Because I've you know what it is as well. I feel like with C-sections, the one thing that I can't stand is the fact that how it's almost like you have this wound, you have to go home with this wound, and you have to nurse this newborn baby. And with me, because I'm such an active person, I can't sit down. So you because when you have a C-session, you have to be on bed rest, like you should be like on bed resting for like six weeks or something, six to eight weeks, and that really gets on my nerves because I want to move. So I felt like with Tiwa when I got home, I didn't do that. I was hoopered, I was clean, I was cooking, and then one Sunday I woke up and it opened up. Yeah, I literally quit. I was laying in bed on a Sunday morning, I put my hand there, and I could see like muck and like blood a lot, and my C section had opened up. I've gone back to the hospital. And the woman, I'll never forget this. The woman that opened my brain, she literally said, Oh no, I can laugh about it now, but when she said, Oh no, I burst out crying, she said, Oh no, and then they basically cleaned it up again. I don't even know what happened, they cleaned it up and they gave me antibiotics. I don't know whether or they even put something there, but my c section opened up. It opened up because I didn't sit down, so that I learned from that. So when I heard when I heard someone has a c section, I'm just like making it was like just Ezekiel. It's even down to the point that I didn't know that when you have to cough, you almost have to hold your stuff. Hold it, yeah. Me, I was just laughing anyhow. No, no, no, the wound was just opening. Even getting up from the chair, I was just getting up normally.

SPEAKER_03 49:56

No, no, you have to get up like Were you not in is that like your pain threshold is really high or something? Because I didn't know where it was.

SPEAKER_00 50:02

It felt like you're just like in is it adrenaline? Yeah, I don't know what it was, but it's just like I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 50:10

Girl. So this when I had tell me, what did I do? I sit down. I sat down. I sat down, but even that as well, when I got home, my blood pressure was high. I had to keep going back and forth to the hospital. I was in the hospital for like five days.

SPEAKER_03 50:28

Do you wish like there was more conversation regarding like cesarean? Because obviously you said like around you, most things that we hear about is about natural birth and natural birth. Do you feel like more conversation should be had around you?

SPEAKER_02 50:43

Yes, I 100% support. I've really do believe that. And I thought like, even when I find that someone's pregnant, I know it sounds crazy, but I always say to them, just prepare for a C-section or vagina bath because you never know what will happen. So that when you do have this C-section, you're not in shock. Because I feel like I was in shock. I was in shock for the first one. Because I didn't know, I didn't even that even affected me breastfeeding because I was in so much pain, having to carry the baby on your wound, and then trying to breastfeed. And then you know, like, you know, like when you're in so much pain, like breastfeeding comes like when you're like relaxed, you're not, you're not, you know, you're not really stressed. I was so like tense, like nothing was really coming out. It was just oh low. But yeah, I would definitely say more conversations need to happen around T-sexuals. I don't feel like people talk about it that much. They don't talk about it that much in terms of how to recover, how to deal with it, or even like the smell. There's a smell that comes as well, like of from the wound. I was saying paral about the smell. Like when people like, even when Tolly would come near me, I was like, Can you smell that? And he was like, No. Like, I remember this baby, I was like, I feel like my wound is smelling. They were like, It's fine, you just need to let it air dry. I'm just like, no, I feel like it stinks. We need to have a shower, just pat it down. And I'm sure a lot of women are going through this, but they won't talk about it because they feel like it's embarrassing. But why are you embarrassed? Because this is the things that will make you heal properly. Or speak about it because sometimes it might not, it might just be infected and you don't even know it because you're because you're embarrassed. Listen, I was going to that hospital back and forth, but I was saying listen, I feel like it's smelling. Is it me or is it what? No, it's fine. It's I was gonna give you some anti everything is antibiotics. You give you antibiotics just to make sure there's no infection.

SPEAKER_03 52:37

I think because I also had a cesarean as well. Listen, I'm not on your level of extreme hoovering. Who the hell do I think I am? Why why would you even be hoovering, Yemi?

SPEAKER_02 52:49

This is a part of the OCD, the cleanness.

SPEAKER_03 52:51

Yeah, so now I at least you agree you have OCD because are you okay? What why would you be cleaning and hoovering after cesarean? What I was stuck doing was um because I was still breastfeeding and only Ethan could only take breast. So carrying him, my right arm stopped working. Wow, so I couldn't use it at all. So then I had to only breastfeed with one arm the whole time. That's uncomfortable, very uncomfortable, and then it somewhat impacted me in the future. So now I lean more to this side because of all that weight and energy had been pushed to one side because I wanted to be changing baby. Me, I was just doing changing baby nappy. You were hoovering. There's levels to this, so we're actually going to move into um the next section. And it's the mom hotline.

SPEAKER_00 53:47

Alright, cool.

SPEAKER_03 53:48

So mom has written in and we just and have a question, and we just need your way in. Okay,

How do you answer C-section shame without shrinking?

SPEAKER_03 53:54

cool. So let me start. Okay, so my baby is here and healthy, thank god. But I am not even enjoying it properly because my family won't let me breathe. I've had an emergency section after a long labor, and I'm still healing. I'm still moving like a robot, and I can't laugh without feeling it. I can't lift properly, I can't even sit up without doing the most. But instead of support, it's jokes, little comments that are meant to be banter but they cut. And Auntie said, So you didn't give birth properly. My cousin laughed and said, C session is the easy way. Even my own mum keeps implying that next time I should try and push like I just didn't try hard enough. And the worst part is I'm already processing the fear of that day, the panic, the doctors moving fast, and the moment I realize that I didn't have control anymore. I'm trying to be grateful, I am grateful, but I also feel ashamed and angry, and then I feel guilty for feeling angry. My question is, how do I shut this down without starting family drama? And how do I stop internalizing the shame when I know I did what I had to do to keep my baby alive?

SPEAKER_02 55:20

Wow, that's a lot. That's a lot to take in. First of all, I'm gonna say, congratulations on the delivery of your new baby. And I don't want you to feel bad about yourself in terms of how you've delivered this baby. The fact of the matter is you made a wise decision, and the baby is alive and healthy and well. It doesn't matter whether you gave birth via a C-section, it doesn't matter whether you've given birth vaginally, the fact of the matter is you've given birth. Now, in terms of your family members, and this is one advice that actually I can relate to, and this is something we did different with our second baby. When we had the first baby, we were bombarded with phone calls, guests, people coming over, it was so stressful. I felt like I was being the robot as well, having to cater to the guests and all that kind of stuff. Now, second baby, and this is the one piece of advice that I would actually give every mother, and I feel like it's really helped in terms of recovery for me. For the first six to eight weeks, no one came over. The only person that came over was literally like my mum on both sides, my dad, if we needed stuff, but in terms of seeing my girls, seeing other people, no one came over until when it was like six to eight weeks after we had the baby. And I felt like that was a really good decision that we both decided to stick on because I feel like when we had the first baby, we were so overwhelmed with having guests, you know. Obviously, I didn't think I was gonna have a C-section, so it was all new to me as well. And also, when you have a baby, like I'm not I know it sounds crazy, but this is a new person that's just entered your life. You don't know how they can obviously operate. It's basically a stranger, so you have to get used to them. So we just basically had so many people come to our house and whatnot, and we said never again. So when we had the second baby, no one came over, I had time to recover, like there was no pressure, there was no pressure in terms of recovery, or like in terms of like, oh, so and so's coming over. I need to cook, I need to clean, I need to do this for the house. I literally just we did things at our own pace. So, what I would advise is obviously, even I didn't pick up my phone at some point. I didn't answer my phone at some point, like I was either it would just be off, obviously, they'll call my husband. Sometimes he'll turn off his phone as well. But I feel like it's so important you just have that six, that first six to eight weeks of having a baby is very crucial, and I think it's very important that you have that to yourself. So, in terms of family, I feel like you just need to basically, in the most respectful

Why do mothers need boundaries after birth?

SPEAKER_02 57:50

way, just say we just need our time to ourselves.

SPEAKER_03 57:52

I think African parents and African families really struggle with that concept. I think, like, even I think we tried it, but I remember, I remember my siblings going, I beg we're coming to the house.

SPEAKER_02 58:07

No, but that's the thing, my sister came to come and help. Do you know what I'm saying? So I was literally just like the the like the nuclear family, like my mum, my dad, my sister, my brother, no one else. Because I'm not being funny, if I want my parents to leave, I can be like Mum and can you leave now? I wouldn't feel any way about it because they know that like I'm the sort of person as well. Like, if you come to my house and I'm tired, I'm leaving to go to the sleeve. I like that. I'm uh okay, I'm going, like, I'm not I'm not trying to be like, okay, can you leave now? Because I'm actually tired. Because when you're here too late and then I'm here struggling because I haven't had enough sleep, you're not gonna be there beside me. So can you please thank you for coming, really appreciate it? Can you leave now? So this beautiful person. I just feel like don't let people make you feel like, oh, I I know it sounds clean, but don't let people think that you're a shit mother because you haven't had you've given birth by a c-section. If anything, I feel like it's even more tougher because like you have a you basically you're coming home with this brand new baby that you've never met before, and then you also have to nurse yourself, you've got to nurse this open wound, and not being funny, but like it's a lot, like having a c-section, yeah, they literally have to move different organs out the way to bring out this baby, like it's it's it's so deep, like it cuts so deep, literally, that I find it really, really cringe when I hear people say, Oh, yeah, it's the easy way out. If anything, I feel like it's much harder because you've got this room, like you have to be so cautious and careful and whatnot.

SPEAKER_03 59:34

I think even people that do vaginal birth, like they're unless they have like a four-degree tear or something intense like that, they're up and going like the next day.

SPEAKER_02 59:42

Yeah, like I've seen my friends that have given birth by vagina birth, yeah. Like my my god, my goddaughter, her mother, which is my best friend, yeah, when she gave birth, the following day she was out walking. And I was like, when I was present, I was like, I really want this, I really want this. Obviously, I ended up having an emergency c section. When you get home, you're just like in pain.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:02

Yeah, and it's even when that that um all the things they give you wear off. Whoa!

SPEAKER_02 1:00:09

I'll never I would never forget the car journey home when I had my c-section. That bump. Or when you laugh or when you cough, it's just like nah. I don't think I would ever forget this experience of a c-section, ever.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:27

Even when people say, Oh, that's like you know, tell you know, reason why I we even started this um series is because I would ask like my sisters and my my cousins and be like, oh, you know, what happened? They're like, I've forgotten. I said, for guess what?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:39

I would never, I would never forget that experience.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:42

I'm like, no, it's not, it's not.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:46

Sometimes I even feel like the recovery of the c-section is even worse than the labor.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:50

Yes. Yes, I agree with you a thousand c-section to c session, people. I agree with you because what the heck I feel like it's worse because when you get home, it's just like and then it's not just like it's not just the the healing, it's also like mentally, it's like you're almost still pregnant because you still have to maneuver everything, like you can't just get up, you have to turn it up, everything has to be gentle because the last thing you want is for it to bust over. You can't even shower yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:21

No, you can't, Edna. Do you remember the first time we took a shit? Bro, bro, when they took out that cat attack, I will never forget the first time I had to poo after a season.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:33

Even pee, it like oh, it was it was horrible.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:36

I've now that it's the latest one is so fresh, but I remember being in the hospital trying to bust a bus a shit, and I'll it's because you know that because you've been cut, you don't know how to sit down.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:47

Yeah, and then we're just trying to push and then it's oh nah, because then you realize the process of pulling is through your abdomen and you're just like, wait, I don't know how to do this.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:03

It's a lot, it's actual lot because it's almost like it has to re everything needs to reconnect again together. It's a lot, but yeah, but say well done, congratulations. You are a beautiful woman for giving birth, however, you gave birth. It doesn't matter whether it's vaginal or if it's C section, the baby's here. And listen, just make sure you protect your piece, it's very important so you can function properly. Because if you don't protect your piece, you'll just be angry, cranky, all that kind of stuff. Ain't got time for that, but yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:32

The baby's here and you're here. That's it, that's all that matters. That's it. Okay, so another write-in for you, yummy. Are you ready? Yeah, I have two kids and I feel like I am failing both of them every day. The baby needs me every second, feeding, crying, contact naps, the whole thing. And my older one is acting out like I don't recognize them anymore. They're clingy, demanding, jealous, and sometimes just wild. I'm trying so hard to be patient, but I keep snapping. Then I feel horrible and then I cry. It's like I'm constantly choosing one child over the other. When I am with the baby, I feel guilty about the oldest, and when I'm with the oldest, I feel stressed because the baby's crying. And I feel like the whole house is running on my nervous system. I understand. I keep telling myself I should be more organized, more calm, and more gentle, but I'm tired. I don't even feel like a person, I feel like a service. I love them so much it hurts, which makes the guilt even worse. My question is how do you handle the jump from one to two without losing yourself? And what's one thing I can change this week so I can stop feeling like I'm drowning?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:52

So it sounds like to me there that you um you need some some love, some self-love for yourself. The one thing I would advise is number one, I feel like what's helped me is being organized. You need to be organized in terms of I'm not gonna lie, having two kids is a lot. Like the transition from one to two is a lot, even if there's an age gap, it's a lot. Um, so I would suggest obviously being more organized because I feel like that will help you in terms of like structure. In terms of like, obviously, I think you should do more activities with both of them together. So, like maybe get the older child to help you with the baby. Um, I don't know whether, like, bring I don't know what the age difference is, but like, oh, bring a nappy, bring a wipe, do you want to help me make your baby, your your brother or your sister's bottle or something like that? I think bringing them together that way they don't feel like mommy's showing attention to one child and more than to the other one, um, will be very helpful. And also if you have, if you can, if she has help as well, I feel like if someone's around to help her, I feel like she should ask for help and have time to herself, even if it's just like for one hour, because it seems like if she's really needs time to herself, even if it's just for like one hour. So I feel like what she should do is ask for help if that's available, and also as well, like I know she says she's very tired, she probably just needs to sleep, you know, rest. Yeah, sleep is so important when you have a baby. Oh my gosh, yeah, you need to sleep so that your body can just recharge and recover. So I would recommend that. So just basically be more organized if it means you waking up earlier than the babies, just to have that mate to yourself, that moment to yourself. That's what I do. I wake up before the children, and I literally sit in this living room for like an hour just in silence, just so my brain can literally recalibrate and have a structure in place. So, like, I don't know how how old the baby is and whatnot, but like I feel like structure and having a plan. Really helps in parenthood. There needs to be like a plan, like, okay, this is bedtime, this is feeding time, this is time for yourself, this is that, this is this, this is this homework time, this is what we have to do. Because if not, it will all just it just keeps coming, and you just feel like you're on a constant cycle, and then it's just like, ah, when do I have time for myself? So be organized, have a structure in place, ask for help. You don't need to always just feel like you need to do everything by yourself. Ask for help, have time to yourself, even if it's just for like one hour and 30 minutes where you just look after yourself, you know, have a nice bath, drink some wine.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:37

You need some alcohol. Like, honestly, the concept of having a village, I always talk about like single single parents and single mothers. It's it's must be. I'm I'm looking forward to having a conversation with a single mom as well. Because I just genuinely would like to know what is happening, because this sounds, although she hasn't mentioned anything about a partner, but this feels like a single mom or even a married single mom, whereby you might be in a relationship and you're still doing everything yourself. I think um this is where a partnership or a village is necessary. I think I was having a crash out the other day myself, and I just called my friend, and she was like, Yeah, I'll just bring my child over so that they can play with Ethan while I just oversee them. And babe, me, I slept from 12 o'clock to 7 pm. I just needed sleep. I hear it. I needed sleep. I said I need to call it.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:40

And I when you woke up, I bet you felt better.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:42

What I felt, yeah, okay, let's go, let's do this. But I just needed uninterrupted shutdown.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:51

You know, like you know, like when you have kids, yeah, and then you're your husband, like you plan, like, oh, that weekend you're gonna go out, you're gonna. Do you know the amount of times that me and Tollo have just slept peacefully as in for hours? No, the ones where you're here, where or where you have mommy? Can I? Yeah, can I?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:10

Uninterrupted. That's the best. Because I feel like as moms, we're always tuned on all the time, even while I'm sleeping at night. I'm not sleeping because I'm timing for when you need to wake up, okay. Fool this, I'm calculating.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:26

It's like you you actually don't ever like you don't sign out.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:29

No, no, literally, no.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:33

You're sleeping, but then it's almost like you're on your your sleep is not deep.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:36

No, it's never I became a mother, it's never been deep. Like, yeah, unless I have someone like trusted like that in the house with my partner and the kids, then I know I can't. And I said to them, even when they were coming, I said, do not wake me up. I want to rise.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:55

I try funny because even the other day I had a long nap as well. I literally messaged Tolu. I said, I'm getting to the nap for three hours. Please do not disturb in cats. I knocked out for like five hours to the point that Tony came to the room and was like, Oh, I came to check up on you. I was like, I think you I didn't when I knock out, when I'm tired, tell when I know that Tolu's gonna look after the kids, I'm gone.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:16

You're gone.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:17

Yeah, that's when I woke up, I was like, Yay!

SPEAKER_03 1:09:22

And honestly, the children experience just the best version of you when you're like that, like when you're beaming, not just like snapping, and and the snapping is so real. Like anytime I ever tell Ethan off like intensely over something so minute, I need to take a nap.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:41

Yeah, sometimes you just need that. My thing is if I don't have a good workout, if I don't work out, if I don't have a good sleep, I'm cranky as fuck. Like it's wild. Once I have them two things, I'm good to go. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:55

We have one

What do you do when breastfeeding guilt gets loud?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:56

more. Cool. Okay, goes. I don't want to breastfeed. I'm tired of pretending I do. It hurts, I dread it, and my mental health is dipping. I've tried and I don't feel like myself. I feel trapped in my own body. But everyone around me treats formula like a moral failure. Like I am choosing the easy or as I'm selfish. People make comments, family, friends, and even random moms, breast is best. Just push through, you'll regret it. And I'm sitting here thinking, why do people talk to women like this? I am feeding my baby and my baby will be fine, but the constant judgment is messing with my head. I keep second guessing myself and I feel like I am not a good mom. Even though that I'm doing my best. My question is how do I stand firm in my decision without feeling guilty? And what do I do and what do I say to people who keep trying to shame me?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:05

This is a very interesting topic. Okay, coming from a mother that did not breastfeed. Okay, it's so funny. So when I was younger, like really, really young, when I was thinking about becoming a mom, funny enough, I was always against breastfeeding. I don't know why, but I just felt it's not for me. Yeah. And then when I had Tiwa, I think I just put on the plan I wanted to bottle feed, anyways. Then I changed my mind, I was like, oh yeah, I'm gonna breastfeed. Anyways, I couldn't breastfeed because it was painful, it was too painful, and I was struggling with it. And um, I just bottle fed um Tawa. And then with the second baby, I just said I'm gonna bottle feed. Like, I'm the sort of person I don't like stress, so and I feel like with breastfeeding as well, like if you're if you're in a stressful environment, it's it doesn't, it is, it doesn't now in terms of people, you're right, you're feeding your baby, that's all that matters. And I have the same mindset as well. Like, people would say around me, oh yeah, breast is best, yeah, yeah, that's nice. But I feel like it's very important. I feel like it's very important when you make the decision of butter feeding to stick by it and just be strong. Like, so I people listen, whatever you do in this life, people will always talk. Wherever you bottle feed them and you breastfeed, they say you're not holding the breasts well, you're not putting the butter somehow. I think once you've made your decision of what you want to do, just stick to it. And if you feel like you're not strong enough, I know it sounds crazy, but like if you're a new mom and you're you've decided to bottle feed and you feel like you you haven't built the confidence that you're not strong enough to feed your children in the presence of other people and not allowing their whatever they say to affect you, I think just stay at home until when you're strong enough. Do you know what I mean? Because, like I said, them first couple of weeks of having a baby, you are so vulnerable. Anything can trigger you. So I feel like if you do if you do want to butter feed and you're worrying about what people would say, I think just stay at home until when you feel like, okay, yeah, I know this is this is best for me and my baby, and we're doing this, and then you're ready to step out. Do you know what I'm saying? That way, you know what you're doing, no one's words can break you, and you can keep it moving. And listen, butter feeding, breastfeeding, all that matters is the baby is fed. That's what that matters. It don't matter what it doesn't matter what what route you're taking, whether it's via the breast or whether it's via the bottle, all we care about is the baby is feeding and growing.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:39

So bottle fed, breastfed, they are all fed.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:44

And also, like what a lot of people don't realize, the child also sometimes dictates what you do.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:50

Like, some babies don't even want breaths.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:52

They don't even they don't even want breast. Some babies, like Ethan did not want no bottle, he didn't want no dummy, he didn't, he said no. I want that.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:03

I I understand it has its it has its benefits. Yeah, that's nice, but not being funny. But now that we're all older, are we all asking if you bought a further breastfed? Is that a question that we ask each other? Hi, my name is Yenia. Are you bought breastfed? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:20

That should be the newest introduction to yourself. It's like hi, I'm isn't I am breastfed. No, honestly. Doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter. I think a lot of people, I always say this people that say certain things just don't have anything to say, they just want to talk.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:37

They don't even know how it's gonna affect people, literally. That's just not honestly. You see this world that we live in, we need to be careful how how we open our mouths. It's not everything you have to say, just be look, just it's all right just to look and not say nothing. Honestly, if it's not positive, just let's just close it. It's so funny because the other day I went to church, yeah, and then I met this person, and she was just like, uh, how would his um my son tell me? And I was like, nine months. So she went, Really? And I went, Yeah. She looked at him like to say, How is this baby nine months? But I'm really good at reading people in it, but I could tell she was looking at him thinking, How was this baby nine months already? I don't know if it's just thinking whether he was his size, but her reaction was wild. I'm literally, I'm just like, I'm running people like, oh yeah, I can like I know how to react in it. But if that was a mother that was like feeling somehow, she would have been like, oh, what why did you say really? Does she think he's small? Does she think he's big? Am I not doing a good job? Like, why did you say really? Do you know what I mean? But I just laughed it off. And I was like, Yo, he's cute.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:45

It even falls down to like obviously because I'm carrying big. When people see me, they don't even understand this actually irks me. But when they see me and they say, Ah, you must decline triplets, it's just one. Yeah, I'm I'm just fat.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:01

People just love to open their mouth people love to open their mouth. People just close their mouth.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:08

Honestly, okay. This actually takes us right nicely into the next segment, and this is more about you. Um, we've supported the mums in the mom hotline, but now it is time for Yemi to tell us her ultimate pet peeve. This is stop doing that. The thing that you need to bring to the public to respect themselves and just stop doing it. What is yours?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:32

I just think people should stop being horrible to people. Like, I just feel like we live in a society now that everyone just always people are not as nice, people is not and are not as nice as how they were back in the day. Everyone always has something to say. If it's not negative, it's body shaming, like people just need to stop being horrible and just be nice.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:55

Yeah, I think that's about it, really. Dig deep. What's the one thing that's been happening that you just see and just like just stop doing that? Stop it.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:05

You know what, Izzy? I live in my own.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:09

I live in my own bubble, I don't even see it.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:11

I'm just like and maybe stop comparing yourselves to others.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:14

Okay, yeah, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:17

I think in terms of I'm good, obviously, because we're we'll talk about motherhood, but I feel like um, in terms of like snacking back, stop comparing yourself to others, because I'm not feeling funny. You do not know what so-and-so is doing behind closed doors. You don't know what they're eating, you don't know what pill they're taking, you don't know what injection they're jabbing themselves with. So you see some people online, I just gave birth three weeks ago and I've got a flat stomach. Okay, that's good for you, but that might not be the case with someone else. And someone would see that and they'll feel like discouraged, oh my gosh, how when is this stomach gonna go flags? When is this body going to go back in shape? So I think it's very important that we stop comparing ourselves to one another and just do what works for us, do what works for you. Do you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 1:18:08

Yeah, no, I hear that. I agree with that for sure. But yeah, stop comparing. Although when I saw that, is it Nara Smith? Is that her name?

SPEAKER_02 1:18:17

Oh yeah, but she was already slim though, and she that's what I'm saying. Could not be funny, but everyone's genetics is different.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:23

I said, Wow, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:25

But everyone's genetics is different. Listen, but anyway, once you have this baby, you're probably gonna go back flat anyway, because you're you've got like abs and you work out all that kind of muscle memory, all that kind of stuff. Do you know what I'm saying? But even that Nara Smith person, she looked, she was very slim.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:41

No, she was slim.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:42

Even during pregnancy, she didn't put on that much weight.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:45

No, 100%. But they're peach.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:46

And she eats healthy as well. Like, do you know what I'm saying? So you can't compare, like the lifestyle.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:52

You know what I was having to meow, I was choppy, and I can't lie. I was having full English every single day. This toast I love it for us sleep, bacon, come on, baked beans, everything.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:04

I wasn't I did not do one exercise while I was pregnant. I was hubering, hoovering everything that I just bring it up. Feed me, feed me. I am working. Let me get back into shape by doing my exercise game for my run. Now, when I was pregnant, I was just in my engaging myself, so you can't get it. It's a lot already, yeah. Sometimes it's just been scrolling like, yeah, someone just had a baby, they've got their body back. Okay, that's nice, but like me and you are not the same. And another thing, also, when you mean like uh when at the same age, yeah, age is also a playing factor. We're not age mates. You're 18, you have a baby, like when you're like 38 or 35, everything is different, metabolism, all that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:44

It's not changing, so comparing. It's true, it's so true. Oh god, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:49

If you have a baby, you lose your hair. Some people the hair will grow long. You are coming with your hair. Because I lost mine.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:59

I posted this the other day. My hairline was all the way here. I didn't I didn't have any, it was it was giving you like all of underneath hair, not the you part was skin. Oh wow, but that's because I also did it have um uh what's that thing that you lose when you have a baby? Is it iron? Yeah, basically, I should have had an iron transplant, but I didn't. I lost a lot of that, yeah. So apparently that really affects your hair. But listen, you have a baby and lose your hair, sister.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:29

But it will prove, yeah, it really does. Like, yeah, I did I did a post as well about my hair loss. Bro, and it's fuller. Listen, and even the way the hair loss happens, you're just like, wait, is that me?

SPEAKER_02 1:20:44

Is that why I think my hairline was hair? I remember I packed my ice. I'll send you the picture after I packed my hair, middle hair, and the hairline, all of this place it was given. I even sent a picture to one what you call that try try something, try something, just that helps with the scalp. Oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:02

They named it something, but you're so blessed, you have such a beautiful head shape, so like short hair really does give you give you a vibe. Not everybody can pull it off, not everybody. That's that's why when they lose their hair, they're losing their mind because they're like, ah, the head shape.

unknown 1:21:18

It's real.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:19

But you know what's actually funny? I don't, I'm not really fussed about her. You know, one time I shaved my hair off completely bold, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:24

I did it during lockdown, like egg, like skin. 100%. I'm not attached to hair either. I just feel like it will grow.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:31

Yeah, that's it. Hair will always grow, just leave it and then put it on my product, it will grow.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:34

Just like how hair grows in your bag. 100%. Let's not even talk about that right now. Because if I tell you what's happening right now, you you I mean, you'll cry for me. You'll be like, isn't it all the way together? Because what is this? Like, let me not embarrass my husband now online. Because what you can do with my own only god knows. Only God knows.

How Run With Yem became a real community

SPEAKER_03 1:22:01

Only God knows, man. Okay, so that's gonna bring us closer to the end of the show. We've got two more segments for you, but the most important part is I want you to finish the sentence. Are you ready? The sentence is a good mother is a good mother is me.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:27

Oh, this is such a lovely one. Okay, so a good mother is a mother that puts her children before her, but also knows when to rest and reset and have time to herself. Also, motherhood is a very beautiful, it's a beautiful chapter, but it's also very hard. It's a lot of hard work.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:58

You're happy?

SPEAKER_02 1:22:59

I'm happy with this, I think.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:00

It's good. It's such a tough question because you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:03

It is a tough question.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:05

There's so many angles you can draw from. Um, but it's you know, in that moment, what I like is I like my mothers to start thinking about themselves in that moment and realize that you know they're a living testament of a good mother. And I love the fact you started with a good mother is me. Yes, like it is me, and I love that. I I I'm a good mother, and I think more women need to start saying that to themselves because it's so important to recognize, like, no matter the way you're doing it, you're still a good mother, like, because this thing is not for the faint-hearted.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:39

No, it's not at all.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:42

It's not you don't need anyone to tell you, like, know for yourself that you are a good mother, you know. There's a bit of is in it in everybody, literally, yeah. I love that. Okay, cool. So it's time for you to either support a mother or support yourself who is also a mother. Is there anything you would like to bring forward uh for support a mother section? Anything you want to highlight?

SPEAKER_02 1:24:06

Yeah, I would like to highlight my run club.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:08

Yes, I know. I've been watching. Talk to us about it.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:12

Funny enough, isn't it? I was gonna start this run club like years ago, but I feel like I was just procrastinating. And then when I had Temi, I went for a run one day and I was I came back up and I was like, Tully, I'm starting this run club. So we run every Saturday at Trafford 100 Station at 7:30. Um, all levels are welcome, whether you're a beginner, intermediate, advanced, just come and run 5k with us. We're there every Saturday just to get the body moving, you know. I feel like movement is very important for me. And yeah, that's what we're doing. So every Saturday, Trafford 100, 7:30am, come run with yen. Run with yen.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:53

Do you have a jingle? Because I feel like that could be it.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:56

Run with yen, and we just have a good time. We literally just um some people bring their headphones and some of us just talk while we run. And I feel like we've built ourselves a little cute community. Right now it's just women that come. I love it, even though it's open to everyone. But we the people that have been coming have just been women.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:18

And and how can the listeners support you today, support you with the run with Yam?

SPEAKER_02 1:25:23

Uh, that's because you're a lovely question. Show up, turn up, just just come, just come, like just come, yeah, just come. I just want them to come and experience what we experience. I feel like whenever we have this run at the end, we all always feel good, like we all get a run as high, you know, and then we just have a lovely weekend, and we're like looking forward to the next the following weekend when we go for this run. But just come, just come and enjoy yourself. And listen, it's bam is coming, isn't it? We're gonna wear it now, we're gonna get in shape. It's good. If there's one thing I've realized as well, as I'm getting older, exercise is so important. It's just good for your body, it's good for your mind and whatnot. But yeah, that's what we're doing.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:06

That's fantastic. Well, thank you, Yemi, for being so honest with us. We really appreciate you joining us on the Good Mother series. If this episode made you feel seen, share it with a mum who needs it. And we'll see you next time on the Good Mother series, The Unspoken Truth. If today's conversation resignated with a change you are living through, consider sharing it with someone who may recognize themselves in it. You can follow the show wherever you get your podcast as we continue building an archive of honest, culturally rooted stories about identity, body, and becoming. See you in the next episode.